Death Ring (drinking game, buzz factor extremely high)

The name alone should inspire great caution. Gather many risk-loving friends, mass hordes of beer, two decks of cards and get ready for some serious consumption.

Everyone is in a circle. The first person draws a card. The next person draws a card. If the card is related to the first card drawn (related meaning it is the same value or if it is the same suit) then both players must drink the number of sips as on their card. (jack=11 drinks, queen=12, etc.). If they have both have the exact same card then they have to drink double the face value. Ok, if that doesn't sound bad enough, it gets worse. The next person in the circle is the one who gets to count the sips the first two are drinking, as fast or slow as he/she wants. But, and this is a big but, if one of the drinkers finishes their beer before the counting is done, then the person counting has to finish his beer. (It is best to play this game with cans of beer or cups so you can bluff as to how much beer you have left).

Ok, now, the third person draws, if the card is related to either the 1st or 2nd card, then all 3 have to drink (the fourth person counts), and say that one and two had a match, then they still drink double. Now continue around the circle. If a card drawn fails to be related, the ring is broken, and start again. If the ring makes it all around the circle, then the first guy gets rid of his card and becomes the counter, then is next to draw a new card.

Ok, a sample round. Let's have 6 people in the ring.

player 1 draws a 7 of clubs
player 2 draws a 9 of clubs
player 3 counts to 9 while players 1 and 2 drink (player 1 stops at 7 drinks)
player 3 draws a 7 of hearts
player 4 counts to 14, player one finishes beer before 4 is done counting, player 4 has to finish beer
player 4 draws a 10 of hearts
player 5 counts to 14
player 5 draws a 9 of diamonds
player 6 counts to 18
player 6 draws a 4 of hearts
player 1 discards his 7 of clubs (no longer in play) and counts to 18
player one draws....etc.

Be careful with this one.

You might be a Redneck when.....

*You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
*Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
*You own a homemade fur coat.
*You burn your yard rather than mow it.
*Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
*The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
*You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
*You've ever financed a tattoo. *You've ever stolen toilet paper.
*You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
*You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
*You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
*The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
*You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.

Cowboy is his Name

There's a hundred years of history,

And a hundred before that,

All gathered in the thinkin'

Goin' on beneath this hat.

And back behind his eyeballs

And pumpin' through his veins,

Is the ghost of every cowboy

That ever held the reins.

Every coil in his lasso's

Been thrown a million times,

His quite concentrations

Been distilled through ancient minds.

It's evolution workin'

When silver scratches hide,

And a ghostly cowboy chorus

Fills his head and says 'let's ride'.

The cold flame burns within him

'Till his skins as cold as ice,

And the dues he paid to get here

Are worth every sacrifice.

All the miles spent sleep drivin

'All the money down the drain,

All the 'if I's' and 'nearly's'

All the bandages and pain.

All the female tears left dryin

'All the fever and the fight,

Are just a small down payment

On the ride he makes tonight.

It's guts and love, and glory

One mortal's chance at fame,

His legacy is rodeo,

And cowboy is his name.

Top 10 things that sound dirty in golf, but aren't

10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

Funny, but wrong pick up lines

Did you fart, cause you just blew me away.

Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

My Love for you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up